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The Unthinkable. [Jan. 17th, 2012|05:42 am]
I can't say I've came prepared. I'm suspended in the air. Wont [they] come be in the sky with me?

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

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I knew it was going to be rough... [Aug. 30th, 2011|03:37 pm]
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]

But not like this...not like this at all.
Freedom is right in front of me
but hiding behind a barrier that's as thick
as the the wood that it was made of.

All I have to get through that barrier
are my hands. But they're gentle
and tired, and battered, and beaten.
everything's been employed

Every tool I had was used
every plan, tried
every method, expended
and every resource, exhausted

Perhaps the message was sent
and it fell on my deaf ears.
Maybe I need to listen to freedom
and understand what it's trying to tell me.

Could it be that something so good
is trying to tell me something rather evil?
Am I not meant to have you, freedom?
is that what you're trying to say?

Should I take a hint, freedom?
Do I need to just cut my losses
and stop trying?
Are you too good to be had by me, freedom?
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Another leaf worth turning [Mar. 20th, 2011|07:53 pm]
The more I think about it, the more I want to shave my head...completely.
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The Consideration [Mar. 10th, 2011|10:29 pm]
[mood |amusedamused]

I'm really starting to think that a moving possibility could be Boston.
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Possible Clairvoyance [Mar. 5th, 2011|03:11 am]
[mood |anxiousanxious]

I had a dream last night that my dad died and with him being 70, I'm wondering if I should take that as an omen.
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Your whole shit is made of glass. [Mar. 3rd, 2011|09:37 pm]
[mood |calmcalm]

Oh, Wayne. Playing religious music doesn't give you the reason to blare it as loud as you could.
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March Ninth [Mar. 2nd, 2011|11:18 pm]
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]

School. That seems to be the first thing that comes out of my mouth when ever anyone asks me what I've been up to anymore. You know, as if NO ONE else is doing it. But what am I doing there, though? Apparently bullshitting if I bombed my anatomy test that I studied three weeks for (Sure, I could be referring to a 'C', but I don't study for THAT). I'm over here stressing over it and I can't help but wonder: Why?

I'm starting to think certain people have the right idea about life: Enjoy every moment of it. Work to earn just enough to keep a roof over your head and buy the newest video game out, and find some like minded individuals who would be willing to do that in San Francisco. Split the rent amongst them, and everyone be happy! I could find me a honey who ALSO has the same idea, and we can live in some shabby apartment and be merry that way. Sometimes, that seems perfect...So why don't I do it? Maybe the idea was to prove to myself that I am smart enough for college (something that I never thought otherwise prior to 2009). I keep imagining being able to support a big family with someone who has the same dream in mind. Perhaps that's what I'm fighting for.

At any rate...

This place is baron, and I highly doubt that anyone reads much anymore, but I think that's what makes it charming to me at the moment...almost like a real diary (never-mind the fact that I actually have one). Maybe this could be a new beginning for Kirby_c05.
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366 days [Jul. 30th, 2009|05:28 pm]

When I look at this journal, I sometimes want to delete it. I wrote like a child, littered with spelling errors, run-on sentences, and subjects that seem to not matter. However, as I look at my writing now, I've come to feel rather proud of myself.

...I think that's why I'm going to keep it. It shows progression. Growth. Sure, I look immature and dumb, but I'm starting to seriously doubt that I was the only one. The things that I worried about then were just that...Things that I worried about THEN.

Anyone that knows me knows that I've grown. I don't need to hide what I've grown from.

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Fight the Blues [Oct. 15th, 2008|12:29 am]

At this point, I start to think. If were in the 10th grade again, and I saw a highlight reel of myself at this point right now...I would probably either shoot myself because of lack of progression, or I would give myself a pat on the back for taking in life lessons, and using them seriously.

Honestly...Let's think.

Have I graduated from anything? No.

Have been promoted in any line of work? Nope.

Have I made a REAL move in the direction I want to pursue?

What the hell is my problem?

However, at least NOW, I'm taking a step back to look at things, and it's only been three years since I graduated. It could've been a LOT worse. And, at least now, I have a bit more knowledge that a text book couldn't teach me.

After a short party phase, I realize that alcohol is fun, but I don't need it to HAVE fun; and now I'm part of the small percentage who doesn't drink. :)

I need to just live my life for me. NOT my father, or anyone else that has made plans for me.

I am an Actor (or, a potential RN).
Not an engineer.
Not a doctor
Or...a real estate agent.

I'm Gay.
Not a closet case (Or a pathetic excuse for one like I was in High School)
Not a Lady's man
Not my father's hope for a blood related grandson. (As awful as that sounds)

Despite my sexuality, I find myself wandering closer and closer to God each day. I'm STILL unsure of what's to become of me after I die, but as a believer, I have NO choice but to face it head-on, and strangely enough, I'm not scared. I have hope, just not enough to fool me. I'm reminded frequently that he loves me anyway, and being this way plays no part in him taking me in. At the same time however, I hear the exact opposite. And, that I'm going straight to hell for my actions.

Right now, I've found myself not knowing what to believe. However, I do know a few things.

With God in mind, I will be the best person I can be. I wont be perfect by any means, and I will constantly need to be grounded, and will always need to take direction from others; but still. Being good will be in my best efforts.

To be blunt:
I want affection.
I like attention.
I need love.
And, if it's coming from someone I have feelings for, I don't think that I can shun it out of my life. If it's wrong, please be patient with me. I still haven't learned to become a robot.

I've gotten a dose of what it is like in the real world...School never seemed so tempting.

Yeah, if I've seen myself in a highlight reel in the 10th grade, I probably wouldn't shoot myself because it's not like I have not moved AT ALL since I graduated, but I am in no position to give myself a pat on the back either. Once I make a big monumental step, (I have NO idea what it will be) then, I will treat myself to ice cream. :)

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(no subject) [Mar. 24th, 2008|03:26 am]
[Current Location |Home.]

It's time to get a move on life.

Time for a wind of a new beginning to blow...

No more dilly-dally.

No more "because I don't have blah blah blah"

And, no more laziness!

I have a dream. A big one.

And It's time I stand up, and fight for it.

...Because it certainly wont come to me.

Yeah, I'm scared.

I have NO idea if I'm going to make it, or not.

But I KNOW my odds will increase dramatically if I try.

...And so...I will.
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