| 366 days |
[Jul. 30th, 2009|05:28 pm] |
When I look at this journal, I sometimes want to delete it. I wrote like a child, littered with spelling errors, run-on sentences, and subjects that seem to not matter. However, as I look at my writing now, I've come to feel rather proud of myself.
...I think that's why I'm going to keep it. It shows progression. Growth. Sure, I look immature and dumb, but I'm starting to seriously doubt that I was the only one. The things that I worried about then were just that...Things that I worried about THEN.
Anyone that knows me knows that I've grown. I don't need to hide what I've grown from.
=) |
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| Fight the Blues |
[Oct. 15th, 2008|12:29 am] |
At this point, I start to think. If were in the 10th grade again, and I saw a highlight reel of myself at this point right now...I would probably either shoot myself because of lack of progression, or I would give myself a pat on the back for taking in life lessons, and using them seriously.
Honestly...Let's think.
Have I graduated from anything? No.
Have been promoted in any line of work? Nope.
Have I made a REAL move in the direction I want to pursue?
...No.
...
What the hell is my problem?
However, at least NOW, I'm taking a step back to look at things, and it's only been three years since I graduated. It could've been a LOT worse. And, at least now, I have a bit more knowledge that a text book couldn't teach me.
After a short party phase, I realize that alcohol is fun, but I don't need it to HAVE fun; and now I'm part of the small percentage who doesn't drink. :)
I need to just live my life for me. NOT my father, or anyone else that has made plans for me.
I am an Actor (or, a potential RN).
Not an engineer.
Not a doctor
Or...a real estate agent.
I'm Gay.
Not a closet case (Or a pathetic excuse for one like I was in High School)
Not a Lady's man
Not my father's hope for a blood related grandson. (As awful as that sounds)
Despite my sexuality, I find myself wandering closer and closer to God each day. I'm STILL unsure of what's to become of me after I die, but as a believer, I have NO choice but to face it head-on, and strangely enough, I'm not scared. I have hope, just not enough to fool me. I'm reminded frequently that he loves me anyway, and being this way plays no part in him taking me in. At the same time however, I hear the exact opposite. And, that I'm going straight to hell for my actions.
Right now, I've found myself not knowing what to believe. However, I do know a few things.
With God in mind, I will be the best person I can be. I wont be perfect by any means, and I will constantly need to be grounded, and will always need to take direction from others; but still. Being good will be in my best efforts.
To be blunt:
I want affection.
I like attention.
I need love.
And, if it's coming from someone I have feelings for, I don't think that I can shun it out of my life. If it's wrong, please be patient with me. I still haven't learned to become a robot.
I've gotten a dose of what it is like in the real world...School never seemed so tempting.
Yeah, if I've seen myself in a highlight reel in the 10th grade, I probably wouldn't shoot myself because it's not like I have not moved AT ALL since I graduated, but I am in no position to give myself a pat on the back either. Once I make a big monumental step, (I have NO idea what it will be) then, I will treat myself to ice cream. :)
....DONTFORGETTOVOTENOONPROP8 |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 24th, 2008|03:26 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home. | ] |
It's time to get a move on life.
Time for a wind of a new beginning to blow...
No more dilly-dally.
No more "because I don't have blah blah blah"
And, no more laziness!
I have a dream. A big one.
And It's time I stand up, and fight for it.
...Because it certainly wont come to me.
Yeah, I'm scared.
I have NO idea if I'm going to make it, or not.
But I KNOW my odds will increase dramatically if I try.
...And so...I will. |
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| Woot! =) |
[Dec. 27th, 2007|02:18 am] |
Awesome! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 18th, 2007|02:08 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
Kirby, please remember to log out of your accounts when you use my computer.
Thanks.
Love, Lindsay.
 |
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| Call me when you get this. |
[Feb. 18th, 2007|10:52 pm] |
So, now that Valentines day passed, I feel good knowing I spent it with my little sister.
Besides, people keep telling me that I DON'T want a relationship.
And, frankly, I haven't been looking for one as of late.
I've been talking to this guy, but I don't feel a thing DESPITE him being 6'6.
I know, I almost died when I found out his height, but It wasn't enough to keep me interested, and Im glad.
Im glad to know that my interest in people does not only lie in looks.
But, what was wrong?
He was smart.
He cared about the enviorment.
His mind wasn't pinned on sex
We both had our guilty pleasures.
Me: Power rangers.
Him: Sailor Moon.
Would seem like a match made in heaven right?
Well, like I said, I dont need anyone at the moment, anyway.
I need to sort out things going on in MY life before I go adding someone else's in it.
I need to be comfortable with my body.
Im 5'11, and I want to weigh 140 by the time summer comes.
I know its not healthy by any means, but it would make me feel better to know I weigh that much.
Besides, how hard can it be to lose 10 pounds by the time summer comes, anyway?
I'd give anything to have more things to do with my life other than work.
Act.
Go to school.
Both.
Something.
But, not nothing.
Im starting to feel like a vegetable on my days off.
Speaking of which, guess what? I have one tomorrow! =D
So, what am I looking at right now?
Im a single Starbucks barista with a body thats wasting away along with his ratty old hair, and wierd crooked smile.
And truthfully, I couldnt be happier =) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 24th, 2007|01:37 am] |
I realized something.
Just because Valentines Day is about couples, doesn't mean I cant have fun.
I'm gonna stuff my face with junk food, and watch movies.
And, if anyone wants to join me, then they are more than welcome to. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 19th, 2007|01:25 am] |
"Good night, Mom. I love you."
"I love you too, Kirk."
That was the first time I heard that in at least 10 years.
And frankly...
It made my night. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 30th, 2006|01:17 am] |
So, Now, New years is on the horizon, and I still have NO idea what I'm gonna do to bring it in.
Maybe it will be quiet this year.
Thats fine with me, I guess...
However, I have no real resolution.
Thats fine, too.
I just wish that everyone is doing fine...
Weither they know me, or not.
Or, just forgotten me...My hopes for them is all the same.
Do you ever feel that there is so much going on in your head, but you dont have the slightest idea how to sort it out into words?
I went through that right before writing the previous line.
I've read my old entries.
I feel so embarrassed for even talking like that.
Although it shows what exactly I cared for at the time.
My second entry talked about my entire day.
From how lame my Step dad's driving was, to what I did after work.
Gosh...I had NOTHING to complain about.
I think in a few years, I'll say the same thing about this entry, as well.
People change. And that's good.
Sam, may beg to differ, but she wont change my mind.
Anyway, I guess I should just wish you all a Happy New Year, and be on my way. |
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| ... |
[Dec. 12th, 2006|01:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home. | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
"I'm bi..."
EDIT:
I'M GAY!
Who was I kidding with that crap?
I thank anyone with the I-Q of 6 that could tell, but was just being polite when not exploiting me.
My next question: Why didn't you guys help me find a man? |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 10th, 2006|06:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | HOME | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
Gay.
Tall.
Pot belly.
Some acne scars on his cheeks.
Fights for god.
Loves Kirby lots, and lots.
Thats my ideal man.
Linds is such a great artist.
I got a hair cut a while back.
Not a trim, but TONS of hair was gone.
But its ok.
My mom knew what she was doing.
Ok, now I'm hungry. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 10th, 2006|06:31 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nothing. | ] |
No wonder no one in town likes me... |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 10th, 2006|10:27 pm] |
Ok, I realize that some people can be really evil in lj communites.
Its ok. It was a realization that needed to come to my attention.
Not EVERYONE loves kirby.
Oh well.
I'm wathing my friends play naruto. I would have loved to tell them about this game.
"zomg! you again!?"
"stoopid nnoob wit pictors"
"joo off subject! >=("
I dont feel like hearing that again.
Worst week ever because of them.
Oh well, gaygeeks will love me...always.
And, I cant really complain.
I got something good out of it.
I really hope to gain more friends...
But if I dont, I'll be fine with the ones I have now.
I realized...that posting in my own journal if FUN.
I can do what I want.
But yeah, this is just a rant. stop reading.
And, find a man that is 6'0', or taller.
and will find me beautiful....please...? |
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| Traveling |
[Aug. 23rd, 2006|02:46 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Fan. | ] |
I'm sure no one checks on my journal anymore, but I think its still fun to update.
Love.
Thats whats been on my mind as of late.
I cant help but to wonder what its like.
To have someone care for you in a way which NO frined can.
Some say, however, that the longer it takes, the better it will be.
I sure hope they are right... |
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| Impulse |
[Jan. 30th, 2006|05:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Some j-rock... | ] |
I wanna go to a theme park in the near future!
But where...?
And, with who? |
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| Update....ish.... |
[Jan. 28th, 2006|11:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | iunno what the hell Jason is listening to | ] |
I am looking at ambecrombie stuff with Jason.
I am having fun...
We need to go shopping together. |
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| Well... |
[Jan. 24th, 2006|09:17 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | None | ] |
Last night...
Steven swore to me that he would never lie to me again.
I feel...Good...
We definately need to go on more walks...
I love venting to him because sometimes we are so much alike
He understands me...
I understand him...Or..at least I think I do...
I got my bank card today...
My picture on it makes me look like a fat girl.
...I don't care.
I'm Bi...
Yet...I am really shy about it...
Everyone knew it...I was just too subborn...I wasn't fooling anyone anyway...
I realized this when I fell for Ronnie...
Of all people...Why him...?
I can drive now...
My Instructor was yelling at me just because I almost hit some lady crossing the street...
I passed my test anyway...
I love ...'s
And glasses...I want a pair...
I hate work...
I love money...
I think I'll be there for a while...
I think I will update more when I feel like it...
But for now, I am going to work... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 6th, 2006|02:25 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The news | ] |
I got ANOTHER quiz! I love taking these ^3^
1. Are we friends?
--->
2. Do you have a crush on me/are you attracted to me?
--->
3. Would you kiss me?
--->
4. Would you ever ask me out or go out with me if I asked you?
--->
5. Tell me one odd/intresting fact about you:
--->
6. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?
--->
7. Do you want to tell me something that you couldn't before?
--->
8. have you heard anything bad of me lately?
--->
9. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me?
--->
10. Do you think I'm a good person?
--->
11. Would you let me sleep with you (in the same bed)?
--->
12. Do you think I'm attractive?
--->
13. Are there ever times when you want to call me but don't?
--->
14. Would you ever listen to my problems even if they don't involve you?
--->
15. If you could change anything about me, would you? what would it be?
--->
16.Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?
--->
17. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?
In other news, I had a good day..
the end. |
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| Things have happend since the last I saw you. |
[Nov. 29th, 2005|08:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | None | ] |
Well, Much has happened since the last time I updated. Too many to mention, actually. So, I think I will just say the things that I would like to talk about.
I had an awesome birthday last month. Victor, and Steve took me away from my computer to hang out with me. Then, more people came, and even more people came. We went out to this plaza, and we ate at Fazoli's. Geoff bought me dinner there. He is a really awesome person, and I hope we can be friends as long as possible.
Steve told me a secret that everyone else already knew but me. He told me why he couldnt tell me, so I ended up being mad at myself.
I met Three new people.
Jason (Beyonce)
Izzy (Kelly)
and Jeff (Michelle XD)
I work with Izabell (Izzy) at taco bell now. That's right, I got a job. XD
I had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I saw some family, and to my surprise, I missed them.
I am not allowed to spend the night at Spencer's house anymore, for reasons I dont care to mention.
There are a lot of battles being fought in my head about certain things, but I will let you know what they are when I have the courage to do so.
In our group of friends, Things seem to be winding down. Sure, Victor still isn't talking to Geoff, but Robin Talked to Samantha, and liked it.
I am starting to see Kristina more often. Really sweet kid.
Geoff had a birthday a couple days ago. That was fun^^.
I need to see more people before they fade away. *Points to Matt, Zack, Beth, Kim, Jason, Alesha, and leeann.*
Well, Not much else has happened that i could think of. That's Probably because I am too busy laughing WITH (not at) jeff's Picture that I have in this post. So when I do remember, I let you know for those who still read my journal. ^^ |
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| Its bad to hate... |
[Oct. 25th, 2005|06:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | none | ] |
This morning my neighbor rang my doorbell. It appears that she needed my trash cans to put some debree in it, and her trash was already full. She asked if my parents are home, and I told her the truth. They were not home. So, thats when she asked me. Of course, I am going to say yes, and I did. A few hours later, my mom came home. she had a milk bottle to throw away, and she called me downstairs to find out what happend to them.
"The neighbors are using them" I told her.
"WHY!?" she yells at me in an instant rage.
"Because they needed it...?" i said sarcasticly, already tired of her b.s.
"WHY!?" I knew it was the rage talking when she asked such a stupid question. So, I continued with snide comments.
"To put trash in...?"
"Well, I need my trash. Bring it back! Now!"
"Mom you cant be serious. Trash day is tomorrow, ours is probably filled with debree already, and they were gonna put it on the curb for us."
"I don't care! I need it now! you dont let people borrow our trash bins! I pay the bills for that!"
I had no idea there was a bill, and even if there is, I am the one that takes it out. You could put the your MILK BOTTLE in a bag, and use that in its place, and i would take it out like usuall.
"Go get my Trash!" (repeat 7 times in a row without pausing)
I go outside sulking over to the front door asking for the trash cans that I let them use back. The lady that was borrowing them came to the side of the house. She asked my mom with a friendly smile which one she needed. My mom nearly shouted when she told her she needed both. I felt like an indian giver. and if that wasnt enough, my mom made her take out the debree that was already in there.
my heart sunk to my feet for her.
I cant stand my mother, and I want to leave...now... |
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